The Looking-Glass Self

The Looking-Glass Self is a sociological theory developed by Charles Horton Cooley. This theory states that we develop our self concept based on our perception of the way society views us. This theory is based on three stages that are happening consistently:
1. The imagination of our appearance to other people
2. The imagination of those people’s judgment of that appearance
3. Our self feeling (pride, shame…) based on #1 and #2

I was first introduced to this concept in my 9th grade Sociology class and immediately felt that this theory was flawed. Like, wait a minute…this is completely backwards. Why would I develop my sense of self based off of how I think others think of me? Shouldn’t they develop their concept of who I am based off of the way I present myself?

It wasn’t until I was approaching my thirtieth birthday that I had a real epiphany. I realized that this theory was NOT wrong…it was completley accurate! The way I was being treated was a direct result of what I allowed…and then I had a conversation with myself. I said, GIRL if you want to be respected, you must first respect yourself. If you stand in the mirror and bawl at what you see, others will take advantage of the weakness that encompasses you. not only did I see me the way I thought others saw me, I realized that there was a direct correlation of how I felt about me because of what I believed others to perceive. I became who I thought I was, I felt the way that perceived person should likely have felt and in turn, what accepted from people because of these feelings, was absolutely way less than what I deserved.

….and then I saw this cat. There is no biological way that this cat will ever become a lion, but it is as big as it feels.

Life is a journey, and not all journeys are pleasing for the entire duration. You may walk around feeling like there’s no hope, tomorrow can’t get any better, wallowing in self pity, but each day that we wake up is day full of opportunities to not repeat the things that yesterday brought that caused us to feel bad about ourselves. In your moments of dismay, I urge you to be like this kitten. You were created for greatness. Accept nothing less than that which makes you feel GREAT about who you are. Create and control your own narrative.

Happy Wednesday. ✌ and 💕